Going through a failed situationship scenario? Here’s how you can fully commit to yourself this time around.
The moment you step foot into a situationship, you can’t deny the feeling of being on cloud-nine. From the company of the person to the constant presence they maintain in the whole duration of it, the excitement it gives you makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. That is until you’ve reached the end—another failed situationship.
So what happens after that? The situationship slump is probably the worst place to be in and it hinders you from getting back into the dating pool. To make sure that things don’t go downhill for you, here’s a few tips on how you can pick yourself back up with maturity in mind.
Reflect and accept
The aftermath of situationship can leave you in a confusing state. Questions that should’ve been asked keep you up at night and what-could-have-been becomes your kryptonite. While there is nothing wrong with having these thoughts, you might get stuck in a rabbit hole that can damage your heart.
Change your perspective on things rather than staying within the walls of negativity. Go back to times when you could’ve been clear with your intentions or when you should’ve placed your boundaries. After some reflection, accept that it is a door that was meant to close. In that sense, you’re keeping your peace safe from impulsive actions that can be destructive. These are little things that lead you towards maturity the next time someone comes into your life.
Rekindle old hobbies
For those who need to get themselves busy, igniting old passions is one of the best ways to keep you in the mentally stable lane. Thinking of messaging them? Look for the recipe you’ve been wanting to make. Drafting a heartfelt message? Stop right there, grab a journal, and let it all out.
It’s unhealthy to entertain thoughts that feed on hopeless outcomes, you’re setting yourself up for more pain and you need to be more forgiving towards yourself. Doing these activities are at an arm’s reach, and you’re just going to have to will yourself to actually do them.
Retrace your blind spots
When it’s over, the rose-tinted glasses are slowly getting off. You’re now starting to look at what happened from an outside perspective. Retracing can happen in two ways. One, that’s when you finally realize their red flag-worthy actions through the help of your friends or even by some introspection. Or two, that’s when you finally admit to yourself that what you tried to justify are really just questionable and unacceptable at the end of the day.
Take this time to also do some self-check. Were you manipulated to see red as green, or even beige at least? Do you also have some red flags of your own, too? It may be a little ego burst to see where it all went wrong, but that’s part of making things right. Trust us, it’s better late than never.
Reevaluate your non-negotiables
Now that you’re moving past red flags, it’s time to think hard about what you really want. Situationships can be tricky because they’re an automatic “maybe” to whether or not it’s a commitment. But in any type of relationship, boundaries are important. Think of this failed stage as a sign to take these non-negotiables seriously next time. A part of you may feel guilty that you have one foot out the door, but standing your ground is better than building yet again from scratch.
Top non-negotiables we have in mind? We want someone who has a firm stance on their values and principles. Next one? Someone who can acknowledge their mistakes and apologize. The key is a keen eye, really. If you see potential, laying what you want isn’t wrong. You’re just asserting what you want. If they run, then let them.
Reserve your heart
You may have heard people say that the heart is a muscle, and training it is the best way to keep it pumping. But remember, part of toning your body is also toning down anything that’s too excessive. Sure, the thrill of it all is exciting. The lack of commitment takes away the responsibility to clean up the mess. Keeping your heart in check, however, should always be your number one priority. Are you ready? What made you settle for a situationship?
When you want to begin another round again, make sure that your heart is still yours. Let them make you feel kilig and all giddy, sure! Enjoy the exciting uncertainty! Just know that your heart shouldn’t be something that they take. It’s something that you will willingly give. So until then, hold your precious heart and give it the love you deserve!
Text: CARYLL CABUHAT and CHLARINE GIANAN