With a life already well lived, there is so much more to the lolas of the Golden Gays than mere survival. Eager to see what comes next, the mothers we share are forging their legacy from building a forever home to fighting for true equality.
Without missing a beat, a striking trio of drag queens, towering in their heels and wigs, all cocooned in the finest of Filipino weaves, put on a show. There was no stage to speak of, at least in the strictest sense, but with just a ring of light mounted in front of them, we had front seats to the best show in town. Despite the absence of the spectacle, their last-minute performance of That’s What Friends Are For by Dionne Warwick was not only dazzling, but it was emotionally eviscerating. After the final note trailed off, they all looked at each other and nodded, a sign that they wanted a second take. This isn’t to say that there was anything remotely wrong with what we had just witnessed, but perhaps, as sticklers for perfection in every performance, a redo would put their minds at ease. Typically, the impact is insulated in a do over, but with a life’s worth of experience hemmed into their souls, it was just as glorious as the first time.
“Keep smilin’, keep shinin’, knowing you can always count me on me for sure, that’s what friends are for” they lip-sync alternately , their mouths quivering to mimic the vibrato of the classic. “For good times and for bad times, I’ll be on your side forevermore.”
“Yang kantang ‘yan, it embodies sisterhood, kaya isa ‘yan sa paborito namin. Pero meron kaming finale act: lahat kami tatayo sa stage, magho-holding hands, kakantahin namin ‘yung If We Hold On Together ni Diana Ross. ‘Yan ‘yung pinaka-signature friendship song kasi maganda, medyo nostalgic, meaningful, and it embodies our sisterhood,” reveals Mama Mon or Monique de la Rue if we’re being proper, the current president of the Golden Gays, a community of elderly and indigent gay men who at some point lived in the further fringes of society before the hands of fate brought them together as a chosen family—a concept that is deeply embedded in the queer experience. “We want to stay together as far as possible. Kaya lang, siyempre, may mga natural events na nangyayari kaya hindi din nasunod ‘yun. But that’s the dream, kaya binubuo talaga namin ‘yun every finale. Again, it embodies how we care for each other, our love for each other.”
At some point of the pandemic, one of their greatest challenges was the death one of their sisters, Lola Rikka, after battling a health complication from an accident that dated back before the lockdowns were implemented with an iron-fist all throughout the country. “Nakakalungkot nga eh. Siyempre, ‘di kami makalabas, makagalaw. Tapos it entails cost pa din,” Mama Mon recalls. “With the guidance of the Lord, natapos din ‘yung problema.” But even with a disarmingly optimistic point-of-view, the lolas (Mama Mon, Amparo, Cherry Pie, Noel, Mylah, Tricia, Melon, Elizabeth, and Carmen) still hope to honor their sister with a funeral befitting of her memory, one that entails scattering her ashes into the sea.
Even until an end, their promise in song still rings true: “And if I should ever go away, well, then close your eyes and try, to feel the way we do today, and then if you can remember…”
THE SHOW MUST GO ON
Every self-respecting artist, or in this case, a showgirl, knows that when the going gets tough at any point of the performance, the show must go on. And for the Golden Gays, life has been nothing but a progressive pursuit of their magnum opus. From being disenfranchised by society and its stubborn status quo of strict binaries, especially at a time when homosexuality was still predominantly peddled by conservatives as a mental disorder, to being kicked out of the original home that they sought refuge in by the very family of its founder, former Manila city councilor, AIDS activist, and columnist, Justo Justo, they have been through hell and back, living to tell the tale, of course. But despite being wrung by circumstance beyond recognition, the lolas manage to find the good in every person and the light in every situation. Heck, even if they are crammed in a two-story apartment they rent out in the dense urban jungle of Manila, where nine permanent residents and several others content themselves with a rotation in two rooms and a ground floor, their pleas and plights are still punctuated by laughter and song.
But this is obviously not a right and respectful way to live, something that was most apparent at the punishing height of the pandemic.
“It was challenging,” Mama Mon recalls in sharp detail, the pains they had to endure. While it has shifted spirits and shaken a collective, communal core, it was especially difficult for the lolas of the Golden Gays. “Ang hirap nun completely kasi bigla-bigla, nawala ‘yung source of livelihood namin. ‘Di kami maka-perform or even our normal work na ginagawa naming ng kasamahan ko, kasi marami kaming barbers, beauticians, vendors, natigil lahat ‘yun. So, walang income. Nagbibigay naman ang LGU ng ayuda pero for nine individuals na kasama namin sa bahay, ‘yung three kilos of rice hindi kasya. So, ang ginawa ko, gumawa lang ako ng parang request for assistance through our Facebook page. Sabi ko: ‘Yung mga lolas, ‘wag sana kalimutan, nangangailangan ng tulong kasi wala kaming source of livelihood. So sana mapadalhan kami ng tulong. Matutuwa ka, after the first three weeks, from the LGBTQIA+ community, even our previous sponsors, sobra-sobra ‘yung biyaya.”
“Sa bagay, mga nasa LGBTQIA+ community, madiskarte,” Mama Mon says with no hint of irony laced in her words. “All is worth it, magsu-survive din. Lakasan lang ng loob, especially as a community, we are strong. Kelangan lang magkaroon ng strong will para sa ganon, tumagal pa ang survival kasi hindi tumitigil ang mundo.”
The show must go on, yes.
THE MAKINGS OF PRIDE
While we have come a long way from a time where conditional and compromised liberties were veritably unheard of and in effect, the vivid and vibrant expressions of identity we live out as truths was nowhere near what we know of today, there is still a long, arduous way to go. Admittedly, it can be disheartening having to fight off the persisting prejudice, unfounded stigmas, as well as of being hounded by life threatening homophobia and transphobia, even more so to push for acceptance, protection, and spaces that others don’t even negotiate with, but for lolas of the Golden Gays there are many wins to celebrate while chasing that painfully elusive equality.
“Ang SOGIE Bill is our protection against discrimination, abuse, and ‘yung mga benefits na dapat natin ma-enjoy, eh hindi makarating sa atin until such time na ‘yang bill ay ma-aprubahan. While waiting, dahil marami ngang opposition…’yung expectation natin kasi na once it’s approved, magkakaroon talaga ng leeway para mag-enjoy ang LGBTQIA+ community to have access to public accommodation facilities, healthcare, education, at tsaka ‘yun nga, magkaroon tayo ng representation sa legislation,” concurs Mama Mon. “But rather than wait for something na alam nating matatagalan pa kasi malakas pa rin ang influence ng mga religious groups, and at the same time, marami pa ding conservatives ang nakaupo na humaharang. Personally, it would take some time before makuha ‘yung full approval nung SOGIE Bill, so for me, I’d rather celebrate pride at its fullest.”
Make no mistake about it, Mama Mon and the Golden Gays are not relenting to the unyielding temperament of the traditional. In fact, just as they have braved for many languishing decades, they will continue to participate for as long as they are able to do so. “We’re trying to raise awareness from the media, the public, opinion leaders, and local authorities ‘yung plight of the LGBTQIA+ community, which is why we celebrate pride every June nang sa ganon, mabigyang pansin na ganito ka-simple ang gusto natin: equal rights, wala ng iba pa,” asserts Mama Mon. “Naniniwala kasi kami na ang panahon nagbabago. Kaya from my side, hopefully in the near future, mabago uli ang paningin ng opposition at matanggap nila wholeheartedly na we are the same. Sana maaga dumating ‘yun.”
“I’m happy seeing the youth, everyone we met from millennials to Gen Zs, turning into activists, para ma-push ang ating fight for equality. Kami sa Golden Gays, marami na kaming na-entertain na students from different universities na gumagawa ng thesis nila ay about The Golden Gays. The reason why we entertain these students is because we treat them as allies, kasi sila ang nagdi-disseminate ng information na ‘to in a wide scale. It’s one way of assisting the LGBTQIA+ community na gisingin ‘yung mga taong na-disinform or sarado na ang kaisipan sa homosexuality,” details Mama Mon. “Ngayon, wala ka nang masyadong fear of your gender identity being disclosed…medyo at ease tayo gumalaw. ‘Yung self-expression, malawak na ‘yung scope ngayon, ‘di tulad noon na limited ang pakikitungo sa circle of friends mo lang…Vibrant ang dating sa LGBTQIA+ community, kasi buhay na buhay ang members ng Filipino queer community. Now, we look forward to the gatherings of pride.”
HAPPY TOGETHER
For all the steely tenacity and gritty resilience attributed to the LGBTQIA+ community, one is still haunted by the gnawing fear of rejection, something that many a queer folk has long had to contend with in many iterations all throughout life. But one that cuts across is the fear of being alone, especially in one’s twilight years. “Saan ako pupunta once I reach that age? ‘Yan ‘yung madalas ko marinig na tanong, even sa mga kabataan,” shares Mama Mon. “Kaya gusto naming mag-iwan ng isang legacy para sa queer community at yun ay permanent residence we can call our home. Yun lang ang wish ko na mangyari, ng sa ganon, masasabi ko, we are of equal footing with everyone else.”
After so long of living on someone else’s terms, the Golden Gays are not only taking the reins of their fate, but ensuring that there is a future they and other queer senior citizens unfortunately disconnected from their families can look forward to. Yes, they know they have made their indelible imprint in this lifetime, now they want to build a legacy. “Yung organization kung tawagin is a sisterhood. And sisterhood embodies everything: caring, loving, sharing. Lagi din namin dinugtong sa home for the golden gays…where loving and caring is never ending,” Mama Mon shares. “Para doon sa susunod na generation, kasi nga, gusto din naming mag-iwan ng legacy. Nung ni-register ‘yung organization sa SEC, yung main mission talaga is to provide sanctuary…kanlungan, food, at tsaka pagmamahal sa mga indigent, abandoned senior gay men. Nagawa naman ‘yun sa mahabang panahon, pero gusto naming pumunta sa pinaka main vision na magkaroon ng isang permanent residence na matatawag na our home. Sana maumpisahan and ma-accomplish namin ‘yun for the generation.”
From their drag shows, partnerships with queer organizations, and participation in conversations, the Golden Gays want to show that they are more than just a perceived context. In each unraveling of their life, it is clear that their strength lies in each other, and they will never tire of telling this to future generations: life is best lived with those you hold near and dear.
“Pagka may activities or performances kami, ang ending remarks ko lagi ay: “Make us your inspiration. Kasi nga, we have passed all the tragic, difficult times… kasi even if we are still trying to survive, gusto din namin malaman what comes next,” muses Mama Mon. “Hindi naman lahat sundin, kahit part of it, maging inspiration lang…Pagtulungan din natin ang community, kasi di naman makakaya ‘yan ng mag-isa, it’s a team effort, ‘di ba? Sa ganon, eventually, ma-realize natin na meron na pala tayo, like a home…’yung para sa atin, and that would be good news for the next generation coming out.’”
As high as souls can fly and the clouds roll by, these are definitely words we will be holding on to, together. This way, their dreams, as well as ours, will never die and see through to forever.
Photography by SEVEN BARRETTO assisted by ERWIN BOTIN, CLAUDE VILLAHERMOSA, and DARIEL MIRAFLOR
Creative Direction by ANGELO RAMIREZ DE CARTAGENA & JUJIIN SAMONTE
Art Direction by BRIE VENTURA & ELDZS MEJIA
Beauty Direction by MIA CASTRO
Makeup by BYRON VELASQUEZ, APPLE FARAON, and MYRENE SANTOS B of MAC COSMETICS PH
Hair by KATCH MEJIAS of Katch Beauty Lounge, assisted by OZY EQUILONA
Styling by GEE JOCSON & ELDZ MEJIA assisted by IAN REY and GABBY GAMBOA
Shoot Coordination by KZ FRANCISCO, MJ ALMERO, and ERICA LUNA
Brand Associate TYRA SANCHEZ
Wigs by MERMAID MANILA HAIR and MYRENE CUSTOM WIGS
Nail grooming by Jennifer Pascual, Nhica Ragasa and Catherine Balingasa of TRIPLE LUCK BROW AND NAIL SALON
Special thanks to Katie Reyes and Kate Kohchet-Chua of MAC COSMETICS PH and Michelle Sy and Ogie Rodriguez of Triple Luck Brow and Nail Salon
Videography by JR RAMIREZ & KIM
Video Producers REGINA ACERON & AUDREY SISON
Shot on Location at LA VIE EN ROSE, POBLACION
