A new meaning to keeping in touch during the pandemic, here’s how to stay friends without the added pressure.
Related: My 20s Made Me Value My Low Maintenance Friendships
In times of crisis, we often would seek the company of others. “There is strength in numbers,” as the saying would go. Yet today, we are mandated the exact opposite of what to do when feeling terrified, isolate. With this said, we all know the safety protocols – wash your hands, don’t touch your face, avoid social gatherings but there’s one that’s not often talked about but should: call your friends. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, putting the effort to create meaningful conversations promote resilience. “When you share and you talk to someone, then you’ll realize that somebody else is going through this too. So, we have to feel comfortable having open, honest, and direct conversations with one another,” says Clinical Psychologist Dr. Charma Dudley. During the early months of quarantine, we took the advice to heart from the endless buzzing of group chats, organized community cheers for health care workers, and even virtual game nights were the new normal weekender. “When this setup started, I always had someone talk to throughout the day. I have multiple chats with workmates and friends that I was always active in,” our Senior Graphic Artist Nicole Almero shares. We remained connected despite the distance but as I’m writing this, the Philippines is currently experiencing what feels like the nth lockdown since the pandemic first struck.
A collective silence now surrounds the country and for the very few who do still check-in, on the other end of the line is a person experiencing anxiety from the pressures of staying connected. “Nowadays, I rarely reply to my friends outside of work because it’s hard to explain to them my situation,” she admits. “I always have that ‘I don’t have time for this’ feeling, and I think I severed some relationships because of this but I’m not exactly sure because I feel like everyone is also in their own withdrawn phase.” The six feet distance grows wider as the pandemic stretches on and it’s causing relationship casualties in the glare of Zoom and the absence of physical intimacy. So why are we retreating from friendships when we’re all desperately feeling alone?
Personally, I’ve never passed the job description of being a best friend: the one who knows every detail of someone’s life or never lets a day go by without reaching out. I admit it did lead to a couple of broken promises as I grew up but as much as I love meeting anyone new, I’m fully aware of the commitment friendships entail. Maybe I’m just afraid of commitment except many would argue that having a friendship in your life doesn’t require you to constantly make plans, text back, or apologize when things get busy. We’re all juggling work, family, and financial responsibilities on top of a global pandemic after all. “I feel like this pandemic made people, including our friends, more understanding especially when it comes to mental health. We all know that it’s taking a toll on us, so we tend to allot more time for ourselves–to feel more present and have a sense of self in this pandemic that cages us in our own homes,” Almero agrees.
This type of relationship has been called low maintenance friendships and it’s equally loving and exciting but more so honest and full of respect. My college friends and I are fine going months on end without a group call and seen zoning each other doesn’t immediately start a fight. We know that despite all of us being online, doesn’t automatically mean we’re available. In the case of Almero, she also built a close bond with those who can relate to what she’s going through the most, her workmates. “I honestly find myself more withdrawn with my old friends, but I feel like I’m closer to new people especially my workmates since I have to interact with them on a daily basis,” she says.
However, with the quarantine not ending any time soon, even low-maintenance friendships can crave company. “My friends and I do weekly zoom calls to keep us sane especially when we have to overtime doing work. We also sometimes plan Netflix horror movie nights and play random online games when we can,” she shares. For my friends and I, we found stability in the form of a Discord server, where we can freely go and leave whenever we please. Sometimes it feels like an online co-working space where everyone is on mute and busy doing their jobs. Other days when it’s past midnight, we get into heartfelt conversations that could last until 5 in the morning. There are still no expectations, just friends wanting company and support without the need to drain each other’s social batteries.
Friends are important. They’re the ones who you can run to when you’re feeling cabin fever with your family, and they sometimes know you better than you know yourself. “We will go more insane in this pandemic if we only keep our sentiments to ourselves. We also need a different perspective from time to time since we sometimes get to absorb with our own thoughts that we don’t see them in a different light,” Almero says and contrary to popular belief, there’s no standard to being a friend as long as you are there for each other–whether there’s a pandemic or not. “I will try to be more approachable and responsive to my friends in general. I want to re-connect and be more present in their lives because this pandemic has caused a huge mental toll on us that we all need each other to keep on going,” she continues.
We’ve all been through a lot together despite being physically apart and as the world continues to be a whirlwind of emotions, it’s more than okay for friendships to mean being alone together.
This feature about low maintenance friendships is as seen on MEGA’s September issue now available in Readly, Magzter, Press Reader and Zinio.